Valentine's Day Survival Guide

How do you feel about Valentine's Day? According to some sources, one in ten young adults feel depressed, lonely, insecure or unwanted on Valentine's Day, and 40% of people have negative feelings toward the designated day of love. Some research suggests that Valentine's Day marks the start of an annual rise in suicide that peaks in April. If you're one of the many people dreading the upcoming holiday, you're not alone. Below are some ideas for getting through February 14th and making it an enjoyable day.

Celebrate Love

Valentine's Day has a long history dating back centuries. It came to be celebrated as a day of romance around the 14th century, although its origins are even older. With such an emphasis on romance, it can be a difficult time for single people, people grieving the loss of a partner, or those struggling with unhappy relationships. But Valentine's Day can be celebrated as simply a day of love - any kind of love, not just the romantic variety. I personally like to have any excuse to celebrate, especially something as awesome as love. To me, Valentine's Day isn't just for lovers; it's for everybody. So I enjoy not only celebrating my love for my boyfriend on this day, but my love for my family and friends as well.

Love Your Family

My earliest memories of Valentine's Day include my family. My mom always made Valentine's Day special for my sisters and me growing up. We exchanged Valentine's Day cards with each other and my parents gave us gifts and chocolate. One year, my mom made me heart-shaped pancakes. Thanks to these warm early memories, I grew up associating Valentine's Day with positive things, and I still feel fondly about the holiday to this day. 

If you have kids, try celebrating Valentine's Day together as a family. Here are a few suggestions for making the most of the holiday together. 

• Make Valentine's Day cards in the days leading up to the 14th, and decorate them with stickers or your own artwork. Click here and here to get ideas for fun Valentines that kids can craft. Share these homemade cards with family and friends.
• Do arts and crafts. Aside from crafting cards, you can make a multitude of other fun crafts with a Valentine's Day theme. Use them to decorate your space or give them as gifts. 
  
• Decorate your space. Fill your home with love and cheer by putting up decorations like homemade paper hearts and Valentines, streamers, or window clings. Try making your own decorations together as a family. 
• Bake some yummy treats. Bake some heart-shaped cookies or a heart-shaped cake. Bake some cupcakes and decorate them with red and pink icing and sprinkles. Get creative. Baked goods make great gifts for others or a great pick-me-up to enjoy yourself. Here is a recipe for vegan sugar cookies that I want to try. And here is a recipe for vegan chocolate cake that I also want to try. I would also like to try this recipe for vegan red velvet cake. 
• Make a family date. Dates don't have to be for couples. Make a date with your kids to go see a movie, go out for dinner, play games at the arcade, or visit a museum. Or stay in, order takeout and watch a movie or Valentine's Day specials. 
• Plan a family game night. Make it extra fun by buying small prizes ahead of time that participants can win. And don't forget the snacks!

Maybe you're not a parent but still want to spend Valentine's Day with your family. Make a date with your parents, siblings or extended family to go get coffee, tea or dinner. Exchange Valentines or small gifts with each other. Do any of the activities mentioned above. Or simply catch up and enjoy each other's company.

Love Your Friends

Valentine's Day is a perfect excuse to love on your friends. The benefits of friendship are far-reaching. Not only does friendship boost happiness but it gives us a sense of belonging and purpose, reduces stress, and prevents feelings of loneliness and isolation. Thank your friends for their friendship by letting them know how much you care about them this Valentine's Day (and every day!).  

• Give them a Valentine or small gift. It doesn't have to be expensive; it can even be homemade. If you're unable to see your friends in person, send them Valentines in the mail. Who doesn't love receiving a piece of happy mail? Click here for some ideas for homemade cards. If you want to, include a small gift. Ideas for flat, lightweight gifts to send with a card include: stickers, bookmarks, magnets, and friendship bracelets. 
• Make a friend date with one or more friends. Do any of the activities suggested above in the family section. Give them flowers or chocolate. Make them feel special. 
• Tell them you love them. Normalize saying "I love you" to friends. When you express love - and mean it - you're nurturing and feeding the relationship at hand. It's important to express our love to our loved ones - friends and family alike - and to do so often. No one is promised tomorrow, and I try to keep this in mind. Express your love while you can.

Love Your Pets

As mentioned in my previous post, pets are greatly beneficial to our lives. I try to let my cat, Phoenix, know how much I love her on a daily basis. Why not spend Valentine's Day showing your pet a little extra love? After all, pets are important family members and friends and deserve to know how much we appreciate them.

• Get outside. Go for a walk together, go to the park, or play in the yard. Getting outdoors and getting active together is a great way to bond with your dog or other pet that can safely go outside.
• Stay in. Have dinner together. Watch a movie. Snuggle on the couch. Give your pet a belly rub or some head scratches. Give them lots of praise so they feel the love!
• Make a pet date. Take your pet out for a car ride to the pet store to pick out a new toy. Some pet stores such as PetSmart allow pets inside. Then stop somewhere for a tasty treat. Starbucks is well-known for its Puppuccinos (tiny cups filled with whipped cream), while Tim Horton's is known for offering Timbits ("donut holes") for dogs. I also recently learned that Dairy Queen will give you a "Pup Cup" for your dog - a small cup of plain vanilla ice cream, topped with a dog biscuit. How cute! If you have a different kind of pet, try exploring new treat options. Lots of pets can enjoy small amounts of "human food" as a treat. Use Google to find healthy treat suggestions for your pet. 
• Be present. Whatever kind of pet you have, one of the best gifts you can give them is your time and presence. Spend some time at home with your pet. Stay close. Let them hear your voice. Let them see you. Show your affection with physical touch and verbal reinforcement. Chances are, your pet loves you and adores spending time with you, no matter what you're doing. 

Love Yourself

While you're busy celebrating different kinds of love, don't forget to celebrate self-love too. Here are some tips and ideas for loving yourself this Valentine's Day. 

• Be patient and kind. Practicing patience and kindness with oneself is an important part of self-love. Practice positive self-talk and remind yourself that it's okay not to be okay. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love, affection and kindness. Don't let an unhappy relationship or lack of relationship convince you otherwise.
• Treat yourself. Why not buy yourself your favourite flowers or indulge in your favourite chocolates? Treat yourself with the same love you treat others, or the love you wish to receive. 
• Have a self-care night. Take a bubble bath. Put on your favourite jammies. Drink some hot tea. Spend some time journaling. Snuggle up with a good book or movie. Check out the "Take Care of Yourself" section of my previous post for more self-care ideas. 
• Make a me date. Be your own Valentine. Take yourself out for dinner. Go to the movies by yourself. Treat yourself to whatever kind of date sounds fun to you. Enjoy your own company. 
• Keep your mind occupied. Stay busy to keep negative thoughts at bay. If you find your mind keeps wandering to unpleasant things, engage in one of your favourite hobbies or pastimes to distract yourself. Work on an art project, do some reading or keep busy by doing chores around the house. Just because a negative thought demands attention doesn't mean you have to give it any. 

Assess Your Relationship

Maybe you're in a relationship and find yourself disappointed in your partner's Valentine's Day efforts - or lack thereof. Maybe your partner doesn't want to celebrate Valentine's Day. Take the time to talk to your partner about your feelings. If Valentine's Day means a lot to you, explain why. Or maybe you're the one who doesn't want to celebrate the holiday, but your partner does. Maybe you fear your partner will be disappointed in you or the efforts you make. Communication is key. Here are a few tips for communicating with your partner about Valentine's Day. 

• Use "I" statements. Instead of saying, "You don't put in the effort", try saying something like, "I feel sad when I don't feel like an effort is being made on my behalf." The goal here is to not make the other person feel like they're being attacked or blamed. By making the statement about you and how you feel rather than about the other person and their actions, you reduce the risk of the other person getting defensive. 
• Be open and honest. Honesty is important to any kind of relationship. Let your partner know how you feel and what you hope to get out of Valentine's Day. If your partner reacts negatively to your honesty, there may be a deeper issue that needs to be addressed. 
• Be understanding. If your partner opens up to you, try to offer compassion and empathy. They may have their own negative feelings about the holiday due to past experiences. Try to offer the compassion you would wish to receive. 
• Know your worth. Remember that you are worthy of love and deserving of a partner who treats you with dignity and respect. If you feel your partner doesn't appreciate you, takes you for granted, or treats you badly, this is something that needs to be addressed. If your partner is abusive in any way, please find a way to safely leave the relationship. You deserve better. 

Take the time to assess your relationship. How does it make you feel? Are you happy? Does your partner treat you well? Why are you in this relationship? Ask yourself these questions. Please don't stay in a relationship that doesn't serve you.

Reach Out

You may wish to celebrate Valentine's Day in one or more of the ways mentioned above, or you may wish to treat it like any other day. Whatever you do, remember that your feelings are valid. There's no shame in feeling depressed. You don't have to suffer in silence. If you feel depressed or suicidal, please seek help.

• Talk to your family health care practitioner about treatment options.
• Tell someone how you feel. Talk to your parents, siblings, friends, or someone else you trust about your feelings. Reach out to whoever you feel comfortable sharing with. 
• Look into counselling and group therapy in your area. For those in Canada, the Canadian Mental Health Association has a lot of resources. Do a quick Google search to see what's available where you live. 
• Call a crisis centre or suicide helpline. If you're in Canada, check out Talk Suicide Canada. For those in the USA, the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available. Use Google to help you find helplines in your country, or click here to view a list of suicide crisis lines around the world. I also have some links and resources listed on my "Find Support" page. 
• If your life is in immediate danger, call the emergency telephone number in your region.

Closing Thoughts

I hope that this guide has given you some ideas for dealing with the Valentine's Day blues. With Valentine's Day being a holiday I enjoy, I wish more people could feel the way I do about it; hopeful and optimistic. But I understand that many people have had bad experiences on the holiday or associate the day with negative things, for one reason or another. Remember it's just another day. And remember that, going forward, you have the choice to make it into whatever kind of day you choose. I choose to make it into a good one. 

Thanks for reading! 

Hugs,

Marady 

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